C4Y
See for Yourself website was started in 2018 as a resource for teens, young men, parents and older men wanting more information regarding sexuality and sexual issues
How to Deal with Masturbation
Masturbation and pornography can feel like a never-ending cycle—you do it, feel guilty, promise to stop, and then do it again. If you’ve been struggling, you’re not alone. Many guys face the same battle.
The good news? You can break free.
But it starts with understanding why you do it and learning how to handle those urges in a healthy way.
Step 1: Track Your Habits
Before you can change, you need to understand what’s really going on. Start by keeping a private journal (this isn’t for anyone else to see—just you). Every time you masturbate or watch porn, write down:
When it happened (day, time).
What you were feeling before and after.
What triggered it (boredom, stress, loneliness, frustration, etc.).
After a while, you’ll notice patterns—certain emotions, situations, or even times of day that push you toward it.
Step 2: Ask Yourself These Questions
Once you see the pattern, take a step back and think about why you’re doing it.
a. Am I using it to escape?
Am I trying to escape stress, boredom, loneliness, or pain?
What exactly am I running from?
What are some healthy, non-sexual ways to deal with this instead?
(Ideas: hit the gym, play a sport, talk to someone, dive into a hobby, or pray.)
b. Am I using it for comfort?
Do I actually need this kind of comfort?
Am I longing for love, validation, or connection?
Can real relationships with family, friends, and God meet that need instead?
The truth is, God designed you for real intimacy, not fake, momentary pleasure.
c. Am I just doing it for pleasure?
Have I trained my body to depend on sexual pleasure for happiness?
Am I losing the ability to enjoy normal, everyday fun?
How can I reset my brain to enjoy life’s real pleasures again?
Sex is meant to be the deepest bond between a husband and wife in marriage. Learning self-control now will help you experience real love and intimacy in the future.
Step 3: Identify Your Triggers
Most guys don’t just randomly masturbate. Something triggers it. Ask yourself:
What thoughts, images, or situations make me want to do it?
(Music, social media, certain people, certain places, late nights alone etc?)How can I limit those triggers and avoid situations where I feel weakest?
Step 4: Deal with Deeper Wounds
Sometimes, masturbation isn’t just about urges—it’s about deeper pain. Ask yourself:
a. Was I sexually hurt in the past?
If you were sexually abused or pressured into something, you might feel stuck in shame or bad memories. You don’t have to carry that alone. Talk to a trusted counsellor who can help you process and heal.
b. Have I done something sexual I regret?
If you feel guilty about something you’ve done to someone else, that guilt won’t go away on its own. Find a godly mentor who can guide you on how to make things right. Healing comes through honesty, repentance, and accountability.
c. Did I experience Worst Moments that’s still haunting me:
The worst moments in life—painful, traumatic, disappointing experiences—can leave a lasting impact. If I don’t deal with them, they can shape my life in ways I don’t want.
I need to face the pain, resentment, and bitterness I might feel toward others, myself, or even God. Forgiveness is the first step. I have to acknowledge the emotions I felt in those moments and the ones I’ve carried ever since.
I also need to confront and replace the lies I started believing about myself or others because of those experiences. If I made destructive vows, spoke curses, or wished harm on someone, I must confess and let go of them.
Then, I need to seek the truth—the truth about who I really am, who God is, and how He can redeem even the hardest situations.
d. Is there any unfinished sinful experiences I committed to:
We’ve all had moments that felt exciting and pleasurable at the time, even though we knew they were wrong. In the moment, we gave in, but later, those choices left us feeling ashamed, guilty, depressed, or numb.
To heal, I need to ask myself: Who do I need to forgive? Did I make any promises with someone to keep it a secret? What did I start believing about myself because of that experience?
I don’t have to stay trapped in guilt. Freedom and redemption are possible if I confess what happened and ask for forgiveness.
“THEREFORE THEN, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses [who have borne testimony to the Truth], let us strip off and throw aside every encumbrance (unnecessary weight) and that sin which so readily (deftly and cleverly) clings to and entangles us, and let us run with patient endurance and steady and active persistence the appointed course of the race that is set before us” Hebrews 12:1
Step 5: Commit to the Process
Let’s be real—breaking this habit won’t happen overnight. But the journey is 100% worth it. Facing these struggles will make you stronger, wiser, and more in control of your life.
What You Can Do Today:
Write down your answers to the questions above.
Find someone you trust—a dad, mentor, or counsellor—who can help you through this.
When temptation comes, do something different (work out, pray, call a friend, get outside).
Remember: God isn’t mad at you. He wants to help you grow and experience real freedom.
You can overcome this. The more you engage in the process, the more control you’ll have over your life. And through it all, you’ll discover how much God truly loves you.