Why and How to FORGIVE

Forgiveness is one of the most powerful steps you can take to heal and move forward.

When others hurt you—emotionally or even physically—it can leave deep wounds. But holding onto pain only keeps you trapped in the past.

Forgiving daily should become a way of life. It’s not just about doing what’s right before God, but also about experiencing His love, grace, and freedom for yourself.

True forgiveness brings real change. It lifts the weight off your heart, allowing peace and happiness to return. Disappointments, bitterness, and even depression can fade away. You don’t have to stay stuck in the hurt—you can step into a new, free, and joyful life!

“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:14-15

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I (Jesus) have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10

If you can’t forgive, it blocks you from experiencing God’s forgiveness.

Instead, bitterness, anger, guilt, and even the desire for revenge will keep you trapped in a prison of your own emotions. This emotional pain can cause more than just heartache—it can lead to sickness, addictions, and physical problems.

Holding onto unforgiveness also keeps you from the blessings God wants to give you. It affects not only your life but also the lives of those closest to you.

“See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” Hebrews 12:15 NIV

“Exercise foresight and be on the watch to look [after one another], to see that no one falls back from and fails to secure God's grace (His unmerited favour and spiritual blessing), in order that no root of resentment (rancour, bitterness, or hatred) shoots forth and causes trouble and bitter torment, and the many become contaminated and defiled by it.” Hebrews 12:15 AMP

Practical:

Read Matthew 18:21 to 35 and think about the situation Jesus sketches here:

1. What did Peter ask Him about?

2. Is it really about how many times you must forgive someone?

3. To what anger was the servant handed over?

4. What can the jailors be?

“Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us”. Luke 11:4

Forgiveness is a choice you make.

It’s deciding to let someone go, to set them free from the hurt they caused. It means letting go of all the anger, the desire for revenge, and the need for payback. It’s saying, “I’m choosing to release you from the pain you caused me.”

But once you make that decision, you have to complete the process through prayer and confession. Otherwise, it’s just a good intention, not real forgiveness.

Sometimes, forgiveness comes easy, but other times, it might take time. Forgiveness isn’t about judging someone—it’s about letting them go and setting them free, just as you’ve been set free.

You don’t wait for the feeling of forgiveness to come over you. The truth is, you’ll probably never feel like forgiving someone who’s hurt or disappointed you. But forgiveness isn’t about feeling—it’s about choosing to heal and move forward.

Is there someone or something in your life you blame for the hurt, disappointment, or rejection you’ve faced?

Maybe it’s a church, or even God, because you feel He could have stopped it or wasn’t there for you.

Start by forgiving the small pieces of what happened—it’s okay if the whole situation feels too overwhelming to handle all at once. As you forgive the smaller parts and people involved, it will become easier to heal from the deeper hurt.

The Bible teaches us to forgive and bless those who hurt us. Judgment and punishment are in God’s hands. He will handle it—whether in this life or the next.

Forgiveness might not change the person or situation that hurt you, but it will bring healing and transformation to your life.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.” 1 John 1:9-10

“My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have an advocate with the Father—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.” 1 John 2:1-2

God will forgive anyone who asks Him! What will your reason be why you can’t forgive?

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13:

“And when you stand praying, if you ____________________ anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25

“Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.” Luke 23:34

Jesus Christ is the perfect example of how God the Father feels about you.

Throughout His life, Jesus showed us how to forgive, love, and treat others. He came to reveal the heart of the Father to everyone.

Imagine yourself standing in front of Jesus. How do you think He would treat you?

How would He forgive you?

Practical Exercise:

Take some time to reflect and make notes in your journal or diary:

Real Forgiveness: A Path to True Freedom

Forgiveness is one of the hardest things we will ever do. When someone has hurt us deeply—betrayed our trust, violated our innocence, or left us carrying pain they never had to feel—it can feel impossible to let go. The anger, the hurt, the memories—they don’t just disappear. So how do we actually forgive? Not just say the words, but truly let go?

1. Acknowledge the Depth of the Hurt

You can’t heal what you don’t face. Ignoring or suppressing the pain only gives it more power over you.
Be honest with yourself about how deeply you’ve been wounded—anger, sadness, betrayal, even hatred. It’s okay to feel those things.
Write it down. Say it out loud. Let yourself acknowledge, "This really hurt me."

2. Decide to Forgive—Even When You Don’t Feel Like It

Forgiveness isn’t a feeling. It’s a choice. You won’t always feel ready, but choosing to let go is the first step.
It doesn’t mean what happened was okay. It doesn’t mean they deserve it. It means you deserve peace.
Ask yourself: Do I really want to carry this pain forever?

3. Set Boundaries (Forgiveness Is Not Weakness)

Forgiving doesn’t mean allowing that person to keep hurting you.
If someone is toxic or dangerous, it’s okay to forgive from a distance.
You can let go of the bitterness without letting them back into your life.

4. Process the Pain—Don’t Rush It

Healing takes time. Some days you’ll feel like you’ve moved on, and other days, the wound will reopen. That’s normal.
Talk to someone you trust—a friend, mentor, or therapist. Don’t carry this alone.
Cry if you need to. Scream if you have to. Write, pray, reflect—just don’t suppress it.

5. Try to See the Person Through a Different Lens

This is hard, but real freedom comes when you release resentment.
Hurt people hurt people. Maybe they were broken too. Maybe they didn’t fully understand the damage they caused.
This doesn’t excuse their actions, but it helps loosen the grip of anger.

6. Let Go of the Desire for Revenge or Justice

This is one of the toughest parts—accepting that you may never get the apology you deserve.
But waiting for someone else to fix your pain keeps you chained to them. You don’t need their regret to heal.
Trust that life, karma, or God will handle justice in the right time and way.

7. Take Small Steps Toward Letting Go

Some days, forgiveness will feel real. Other days, the bitterness will creep back in. That’s okay. Keep choosing it anyway.
When painful thoughts come, replace them with truth: "I am choosing peace over pain. I refuse to be held captive by this."
Celebrate even the smallest steps forward. Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but every step counts.

8. Decide If Reconciliation Is Possible (Or Even Necessary)

Forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing.
If the person is truly remorseful and has changed, rebuilding the relationship may be an option.
But if they are still harmful, you can forgive them in your heart without ever letting them back in.

9. Trust That Healing Will Come in Time

You won’t feel free overnight, and that’s okay. But one day, you will wake up, and the weight won’t feel as heavy.
Be patient with yourself. You’re not weak for struggling. You’re human.
And you are stronger than the pain.

Final Thought

Forgiveness isn’t about them—it’s about you. It’s about taking your power back. It’s about choosing to live free rather than stay shackled to bitterness. Because at the end of the day, carrying resentment only keeps you tied to the very person who hurt you.

Let go—not because they deserve it, but because you do.

Make an appointment with your mentor to talk about your answers.
Share the pain and anger you might have kept inside for a long time.
Take time together to pray the following prayer of forgiveness.
Use the following prayer as an example or make your own to forgive and set yourself free. If you truly mean it, it will change your life forever.

Forgiveness doesn’t change your past, but it will change your future!

Prayer

Our Father in Heaven,

Thank You for loving me so much that You sent Jesus to die for my sins and mistakes. Thank You for always making time for me and for being patient with me. Your love never fails, and I can trust You with all my needs.

Father, help me experience Your love, grace, and forgiveness through the Holy Spirit. Reveal these things to me and help me show grace, patience, and love to others, even when I’m not treated the same way.

Your Word and the Holy Spirit have convicted me to forgive everyone, even my enemies. Today, I choose to forgive, one by one, and I bring them to You to set them free, just as You have forgiven and set me free.

I now forgive: (Name / Names) …. …. …. ….
For what they did: …. .… ….

Father, heal every hurt, pain, disappointment, and brokenness in my heart. Help me align my emotions with Your truth. Show me in my thoughts how You support, comfort, and protect me, and give me peace.

Father, I now bring their names before You: (Name / Names) …. …. …. I ask that You also forgive them for what they did to me. May Your grace touch them and bring them closer to You.

I pray that: (Name / Names) …. …. …. receives healing and restoration and that they also start to take steps into the life You have planned for them.

Father, forgive me for wishing or speaking bad things about them. (Name the things if you remember it) …. …. …. I now take back every negative thought, curse, or word I’ve said about them. I declare it powerless in the Name of Jesus Christ. Through Your Holy Spirit, may every heart of all those around me whom I’ve disappointed, hurt or neglected be healed and comforted.

Father, help me learn to speak words of blessing, encouragement, and praise over others. Teach me to love unconditionally and to think before I speak or act, so I don’t regret my words and actions.

Amen.

C4Y